Archives for category: First Impressions

Men from Mars 1
Are we on the same page?
All of us will have no doubt heard or even used this saying especially when referring to our ‘soulmate’, sometimes even adding….

“What planet are they on, are they on the same page as me”

If you have ever found yourself in a conversation such as this, where you suddenly realized that your vis-à-vis and you were talking about completely different things then read on to find out why.

What are you talking about?
With our ‘soulmate’, in a casual conversation, with a loved one, at work with colleagues or even with family members, many of us wonder…. “What are you talking about?” …..

This is a clear sign of ineffective, and therefore unproductive, communication. People spend hours in lovers tiffs or arguments, debates, business meetings, phone conversations, e-mail correspondence, and yet still cannot stay on the same page, although they are positive they know exactly what they are supposed to do.

Proper definitions
Why does it happen? The answer is oh so simple…. it is all about the lack of proper definitions. Way too often, the message we receive or express is not clear or self-explanatory enough. Consequently, the message gets misinterpreted and damages the very result and efficiency of communication. People run around in circles without getting to the point in conversations short of definitions and, as a result, waste their time and energy on counterproductive actions.

Beware of ambiguity
Before you proceed with your proposal, demand, complaint, information exchange or any other form of communication, make sure you explain what you mean. Don’t let any ambiguity slip into your words. Don’t leave room for interpretation, because it may work against you.

Beware of general concepts
Whenever you resort to general concepts like “success”, “recognition”, “growth”, “appreciation” always define them in exact, specific terms; quantify them, if that’s the case. If you are unable to do this – you don’t know what you are talking about. Than how can you expect others to understand what you mean?

Goals desire and expectations
Make sure you have a clear idea of your goals, intentions, desires, and expectations before you impose them on others. This is the only way to evoke an effective and productive action that you seek. Because clarity of the core tasks, goals, and messages is the essential condition of success.

The philosophy of communication
And finally…..While some forms of art invite us to explore multiple interpretations, the art of communication is based on the premise that you speak the same language and operate the same concepts. It is about shared understanding of the topic.

Your ‘soulmate, co-workers, friends and family members don’t want to guess what you mean; they are not at the exhibit of abstract art. You absolutely don’t want ambiguity in your work or personal relationships; because it leads to misunderstanding and confusion, whereas the exact reaction is evoked by an exact message. Only clearly defined goals can be achieved. So next time you set “success” as your primary goal, make sure you specify what exactly it is for you, be as specific as possible and this will help you achieve it.

Are you a man from Mars or a women from Venus…….
Is my message clear to you?……..…I hope so!

Do you have communication issues?
In the novel “Soulmate”, a heart-warming tale of love, lust, murder mystery and psychology, there is plenty of communication issues……The story would in fact have a whole different outcome if the main characters (Tillie Anton and Robbie Hardcastle) had communicated better.

Follow their story as it details the highs and lows of life and all that theirMen from Mars and Women from Venus” communication taught them. Lessons on dealing with understanding mix messages, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

Pretty Women099 Correction
Why you should not be judgemental…..
The story of the film “Pretty Woman” centers on the down-on-her-luck Hollywood prostitute Vivian Ward, played by Julia Roberts, who is hired by a wealthy businessman, Edward Lewis, played by Richard Gere, to be his escort for several business and social functions, and their developing relationship over the course of Vivian’s week-long stay with him.

You don’t belong here
There cannot be many women out there that can fail to remember those infamous scenes in the movie, where Julia Robert’s character (Vivian Ward) walks into a shop on Rodeo Drive. The shop assistants look her up and down disdainfully instantly adopting the “you don’t belong here” attitude, making the very attractive Vivien feel extremely venerable and out of place. Vivien leaves the shop with hurt feelings and no self-confidence.

There can be no doubt that many women will identify with this. Surely in today’s world every person, every customer should be treated equally as if they were royalty in fact! It really shouldn’t matter what you, or your bank account looks like. Sadly though we see the “Pretty Woman Effect” all too often; people judging other people by the first impressions they have of them or by their outward appearances; as in the case of this movie.

Spiritually stronger
There are many people though that relishes these experiences, saying that it makes them spiritually stronger. They are of the belief that there are no such things as coincidences that every interaction such as this, everybody we meet, we meet for a reason, and that it is just a simple case of discovering what that reason is. This of course is not as easy as it might sound, particularly if you are being ridiculed like the character Vivien Ward in Pretty Women.

When interviewing women for my novel “Soulmate” several of them mentioned that they had experienced the ‘pretty women effect’ when searching for their “Soulmate”. When, as part of my research, I probed further I found that women more than men believed in this spiritual ethos. Women will readily tell you that they have experienced times when they feel alone and venerable or are alone in a room but just know instinctively that they are not alone, because they have an absolute sense of some unexplained spiritual awareness.

Through my research I discovered that the majority of people did not believe that spiritual awareness was related to any religious belief, as one might first assume; but moreover as alluded to above that it is based on the belief that that there are no such things as coincidences; as the Richard Gere’s character (Edward Lewis) explained in the film, endorsing the fact that he was meant to meet Vivien Ward (Julia Roberts), and as such they were meant to be together.

Good karma
Fascinated by this belief that everybody you meet you meet for a reason, as additional research I read other books on spiritual awareness and started to believe in this principal even greater after reading The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield, which had such a profound affect on me that I have followed the principles within this book ever since. I also believe in “Karma Neutral”; by this I mean what you give is what you get, this belief also is partly based on my reading The Celestine Prophecy.

Although a work of fiction, The Celestine Prophesy attracts many readers because it deals with spiritualization, growth and even our reason for being here. This may at first be seen as quite “heavy stuff”; the learning though is interspersed within the story. In brief, this is the tale of a man who goes in search of ancient manuscripts in the rain forests of Peru, having been told about them by a friend. The book then follows his journey and as he finds each manuscript, he shares the insights and messages with the reader.

The Celestine Prophecy contains secrets that are changing our world and the way we think. Drawing inspiration from ancient wisdom, the book urges the reader to make connections amongst the events happening in their own life right now, which the book describes as not a mere coincidence, but a message or indication from a different energy level.
There are several insights that build on the above, below are the key ones that most of the women I interviewed resonate with:
1. Everything happens for a reason, there is no such thing as coincidence

2. We should keep ourselves open and should be ready to receive from others

3. Think about every meeting we have and be aware of the energy we give out and take from others.

So next time you experience or have a ‘‘pretty women’ moment just stop and think why it might have happened. Who is it you have met through this experience and why have your paths crossed. You never know you might meet your own Richard Gere…….your very own “Soulmate”

Have you met your soulmate yet?
Check out the novel “Soulmate” to see if the main character, Tillie, met her Richard Gere!