Archives for category: Lesson in life

Masculine Feminine

Masculine man or feminine woman?
If you regard yourself as a masculine man you may have asked yourself what type of woman you are attracted to.  Or if you are a women and have ever dreamed of being with a man, who is powerful and strong, the one that you can count on to move mountains for you, maybe even bring the world to your feet… then read on… this is not a myth, or an impossible dream… men are naturally wired to bring us what we need… if only we let them and get out of the way in order for them to do so!


Masculine energy
The Western world has evolved through a rapid socio-economic growth since WWII, and in the past 70 years we have witnessed the masculinization of women along with the feminization of men. Masculine energy is required for us to make decisions, execute plans and follow through on commitments; it is the energy that is purposeful and direct.  Often expressed through aggression, something we call ambition in the business world, masculine energy is responsible for results, and it grows through challenge.

Women face challenges
As women face and overcome more and more challenges, they grow more confident in their ability to make decisions, produce results, set goals and achieve success, which naturally results in getting stronger in the masculine essence. That is all great and very much needed in today’s society in order to succeed, or even survive. However….

Masculine mode
Women who spend most of their time in a “masculine mode” tend to be go-getters, more independent, build a strong back-bone and, in general, are considered “successful” in the masculine-oriented Western world.  The challenge for women is that as they focus all of their time and energy on growing stronger in a masculine way… they often unconsciously weaken their relationship with their natural Feminine side, which is at the essence of each and every woman.

Success 1

The wrong feminine side
What’s even worse, we make our ‘feminine side’ wrong, and we pride ourselves in being tough and insensitive, we pretend that we are fine and we don’t need a family, or even a relationship with a man, we get busy… but for many women ( not all) deep inside, there is an empty space and a deep longing for intimacy and love… a voice that we try to shut out, as we bury ourselves with various outside interests and work… and ultimately, yes…. success!

Why it’s hard to meet your Soulmate
Why is it so hard for successful independent women to meet strong powerful men… or even fall in love? Well, the answer may surprise you, and maybe even bother you a bit, but chances are that your “success” is getting in the way of attracting the kind of men that you want.

Jigsaw Heart

Obliged to develop your masculine side?
Within the novel ‘Soulmate’ a story of love, lust, deceit, betrayal, false flattery, psychology, attempted murder and intrigue, the main character Tillie Anton was a career focused women who felt obliged to develop her ‘masculine mode’.

Read how this impacted on her relationship with her partner, Robbie Hardcastle a man who was loving, caring and sharing and wanted to protect her. Did her less feminine approach make him feel less masculine? ……Was it a happy ending? Find out by downloading your copy of ‘Soulmate’ today.

Carpe Diem 1
Today will be your yesterday tomorrow…
Many of us will have heard of the expression “tomorrow never comes” and that is because today literally does become your yesterday when tomorrow eventually arrives.

There are other ‘time’ related expressions whose message is telling us not to waste our lives.  Not to “put off until tomorrow, what we can to today”; or to “carpe diem which is Latin and translates into ………..

Now tomorrow yesterday

“Seize the day
Below are ten reasons why you should start to “seize the day”……. today!

1) No time machine…
Seize the day to be realistic, because no matter how much you fantasise no time machine in the world will take you back to yesterday.

2) Beware the treadmill…
Seize the day to avoid the ‘treadmill’, because yes we know that at work or in some relationships life can seem like a ‘treadmill’; however boring this may be it is always wise to remember that all the effort in the world will not take you off that treadmill yesterday.

3) The clock is ticking…
Seize the day in order to use your time wisely, because the clock is always ticking; as the saying goes….”time waits for no man”……

4) Do it now…
Seize the day because no matter how hard you wish – there is no clock in the world will bring you back in time to make that phone call, send that email, buy those flowers, or have that meeting or conversation you should have follow through yesterday.

Time to talk

5) Talk today…
Seize the day to talk to the people that you know you need to talk to; yes email and text are great tools but so is the human voice!

6) Address the issues…
Seize the day because all too often when concerns, issues and problems move to yesterday they become more difficult to address and the moment is lost.

7) No reverse technology…
Seize the day to use technology and communication paths, because although it will undoubtedly be invented soon, currently there is no computer or a post office in the world that will send your e-mail, letter or post-card to that important person yesterday.

8) Today’s thoughts – tomorrow’s memories…
Seize the day to enjoy the moment, because it is important to fully feel what we are experiencing today, because today’s thoughts become memories when they travel back to yesterday.

9) To learn something new…
Seize the day because there is so much to learn in life….about life, about yourself and about others.

10) Inevitability…
Seize the day because today will only come once and because today will be a yesterday tomorrow. This is inevitable.

Seizing the day
Within the novel “Soulmate” a story of love, lust, deceit, betrayal, false flattery, psychology, attempted murder and intrigue, there were plenty of opportunities for the main characters, Tillie Anton and Robbie Hardcastle to ‘seize the day’….but did they?

Happy ending?
This is a novel about life lessons and all that they teach us. Find out how the decisions they took when presented with these opportunities altered their lives ….Seizing the day can change your life…….It change theirs…….Was their’s a happy ending?

Be Brilliant
Clear a path by walking it, boldly……
Most of the time we don’t know or recognise just brilliant we are! We might often hear ourselves saying “I am ready to do this” …when in fact we really are! We are more attuned to the ways we aren’t qualified than to the ways that we are. We are waiting for someone to validate, promote or discover us. It is time to step up, and be brilliant …..

Here are key principles for developing and owning your brilliance and bringing it to the world………to your soulmate…..

Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.”
Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified a better soulmate. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, your friends and colleagues are being anointed industry visionaries, getting salary increases, and seeing their ideas come into life within their world. They are no more brilliant or ready than you, and perhaps less so. Make the leap…now, and find out just how ready you really are.

Make a commitment to yourself
Let’s face it no one else can live your life for you. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. So make a commitment to yourself to be in it for the long haul; commit to act as your own driver and supportive friend…. every step along the way. Once you have made this commitment you will be amazed at just how many good friends and good souls will show up along the way to help you; but always remember this is your life, your game, your party so live it as you have committed to.

Visualise it
There is a reason why sports coaches ask athletes to visualise winning and that is because it works! So what is the most wonderful career or relationship that seems so incredible to you? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider dreaming because it seems so unrealistic, frivolous, or unattainable? Start envisioning it…… now…… today. The sooner you start to focus on what you really want the quicker change in your life will happen. Visualisation is the beginning of turning your commitments and your dreams into reality.

Introduce more ‘wow factors’
Start doing things that make you say ‘wow’. Do things that ensure that your adrenalin flows regularly through your body. Ask yourself, “What is the ‘wow factor’ action in this?” Be warned though, because yes there maybe times when your inner voice may throw up doubt or when your fears raise their ugly head. Having an inner critic is normal, this inner voice is just trying to protect you from any form of risk-taking, but risk taking is important. Go for the ‘wow factor’ and accept your inner critic’s narrative for what it really is, and know just how conquerable your fears really are.

Get a thick skin
Two things happen when you take risks. Sometimes you will receive a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes at you! There is probably not any one successful leader, innovator or person whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics. So get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back or being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and loved or needing to be universally known as “a nice person”, because no matter how hard we try not ‘everybody’ in this world is going to like us!

Don’t wait for your Oscar
Don’t wait to be praised, anointed by some saviour, or validated by our friends, colleagues or even your soulmate. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you have started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you and make an impression on others!)

Filter advice
Most brilliant people are humble and open to guidance. You no doubt want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.

Recover and restore
If you start doing the things that produce a ‘wow factor’, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone quite a lot. Regularly doing things that feel safe, nice and cosy is not going to develop you as a person. Acknowledge the steps you have taken along the way. Watch your energy levels to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you in your energy tank. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.

Tell people how brilliant they are
Let your friends, colleagues and equally important your soulmate know what kind of brilliance you see in them, and why it is so special. Let them know that they are ready to be your friend, colleague or soulmate. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious negative thoughts; watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time or be too restricting, when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.

Does brilliance bring you love?
The two main characters, Tillie and Robbie, in the novel “Soulmate”, a heart-warming tale of love, lust and psychology, had plenty of love and respect for one another….he thought she was ‘brilliant’ and she adored him and thought that he was the cleverest man she had ever met…..But was this enough? Find out what happened to them; follow these two lovers as Tillie details the highs and lows of life and all that this taught them. Lessons on intelligence, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

knowledge love
How well do you know the people around you….your soulmate…….
It is said…..
– That we are all masters of our own destiny
– That love is blind
– That beauty is only skin deep
Don’t be blinded by your lack of everyday knowledge of them and life; show your true beauty by expanding your knowledge, and by doing so make yourself more interesting…..more attractive!

Knowledge is an acquired quality
How many times in your life have you regretted that you did not know enough, have not read more to show your intelligence and enhance your image and confidence in a conversation or situation with your hearts desire? It happens to the best of us; however how many of us become determined to educate ourselves, to be wittier, better informed, and faster thinking.

Knowledge is an acquired quality – it is not inborn.

You choose
The choice to be educated or not, to be on top of things, is always ours to create and make. Some people make it earlier, some make it later, and sadly some don’t make it at all. Yet, let us be honest about it and admit it, if only to ourselves, there is no better reason for self-content and pride, than the feeling that you can carry on an interesting or important conversation, operate and utilise the facts, understand your soulmate, and stand steadfast on your own.

The beauty of knowledge
Intelligence is a chosen path for those who appreciate the importance and beauty of this personal skill. It becomes a part of who you are, the image you project to the world, an inalienable ingredient of your own self-perception. Obtaining knowledge is a matter of choice and, in fact, a simple thing to acquire, when you have made your decision to acquire it, committed to it and, once commenced, you never abandon the process.

Here are some simple steps to you get started:

Tip 1: Have a relationship ‘vision’ and stay focused
Whatever relationship situation you are in have a ‘vision’ as to what you personally want to achieve from it and equally important stay focussed on that vision. Take in and absorb all the information and process it. Try to analyse it yourself and make your own decisions. When talking on a subject, do not lose the topic; rather, stay on it until you have finished or the discussion is over, or at the very least agreed an outcome. This will help you to consolidate your thoughts and allow your soulmate to come up with any comments or arguments unencumbered.

A focused mind is able to expand and store new information more effectively.

Tip 2: Be mentally active
Have the brightest mind. People like people with bright minds. This is a matter of personal choice, whether you are an avid stamp collector; love reading or are a film buff, train and exercise your brain, every day. Remember the smallest details of a conversation or task and analyse the ideas, complexity and outcomes.

Tip 3: Stimulate your brain
Load your mind with analysis and decision-making even in simple everyday situations. Take an unusual task to resolve, stay on it, and celebrate the results that will follow. The satisfaction you will experience will be very rewarding. Our mind needs a constant challenge to stay on top of the game. The routines we are accustomed to at work do not do the job. Challenge your brain with cross words, puzzles and games, like Sudoku or chess, etc.

Tip 4: Get trained, get a coach or a mentor
There comes a time in everybody’s development when they need support to improve their knowledge. This is perfectly normally and when that time arrives should not be ignored, as this is the time when many people reach their peak and will not develop further without training or the wise advice and support of a coach or mentor. Everybody, not matter what level they are in their world needs a mentor.

If this is you….seek training and support now!

Tip 5: Be your own master – make your own decisions
There is nothing wrong with seeking an advice. But doing it on a regular basis might be damaging for your mind, self-growth, and ability to make your own decisions based on your own analysis. Face the challenge by yourself and only after the decision has been made, bring it to the table for a discussion…… if you want to. Stand by your decision and defend your point of view. Even if you lost and opted for another solution, you have just acquired a priceless experience and your brain has gone through a very good and useful exercise.

Tip 6: Read, read and read
If you are reading this blog then well done! Stay informed on the latest happenings in the world, expand your vocabulary, stimulate your brain with the masterpieces of world literature, enrich your erudition, and put it to use whenever you have an opportunity. Reading good books is a rewarding way to expand your knowledge, boost your intelligence and please your heart and soul. Good books stay with you forever, and once in a while, as you go through life, you return to them. And guess what – it is amazing how your perception changes as you read the old book anew! You know why? Because you have changed, and the ways you perceive and analyse information will have been modified as well.

Positive outcomes
Last but not least. Obtaining greater knowledge helps you enjoy your times with yourself. Consequently, it boosts your self-esteem and you acquire a great new relationship partner …. your improved knowledgeable self. And what can be better than being content with who you are, the way you…….a more intelligent you!

Are you in a intelligent relationship?
The main character Tillie, in the novel “Soulmate”, a heartwarming tale of love, lust and psychology, fell in love with Robbie primarily because of his intelligence…..But was intelligence enough to make their love last………was Robbie her one true “Soulmate”?……Follow Tillie as she details the highs and lows of life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this taught her. Lessons on intelligence, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

The meaning of reciprocity….
We all want the people that we come across in life, especially our family, friends, work colleagues, and of course our ‘soulmate’ to know and understand the meaning of “reciprocity”….and more importantly to practice it!

This complicated word describes a great and effective approach to our relationship with the world and those who we encounter along the way. But is it really that complicated?

According to the ancient philosopher Confucius, reciprocity signifies “mutuality, interchange, duality, interdependence.” Derived from Latin, “reciprocus” has the connotation of altruism, making a sacrifice, alternation.

Or put very simply…. it is the art of give and take. Life becomes unbalanced when we do more giving and others do more taking.

The art of reciprocity is extremely powerful
Never doubt how powerful the art of reciprocity is and how by not adopting its principals it can adversely impact on your relationships. It is often said that what ‘goes round, comes around’ and the basis of this saying can be found in the law of reciprocity.

So ask yourself, what are you prepared to offer your ‘soulmate’ or to other people around you? How far are you ready to stretch yourself in order to reach out to these people? What do you ask for as compensation or as thanks in return?

Our reciprocity needs
It is obvious from the experiences that we have in life that, consciously or subconsciously, having given to another human being, especially if you regard that person as your ‘soulmate’, we anticipate a favour in return for when we need it. Disputing whether this is right or wrong would be fruitless, as for most people and in most circumstances, other than charitable giving, and help or support for the needy, reciprocity is something we have inherently come to expect. That said it is also about balancing our reciprocity expectations and questioning whether or not they are realistic.

True and genuine people
A true and genuine person is open to the world and cherishes their relationships. Gracious, giving and protective of their own families, friends and lovers, but yes the flip side is that they expect the same from others……in the form of reciprocity…. and when it comes to ‘soulmate’ love reciprocity under these circumstances is not unreasonable.

Playing by the reciprocity rules
Reciprocity could be described as “playing by the rules”, allowing for “fair game”, and in an ideal world should form part of your ‘soulmate’ relationship guiding principles”…

– Meet me halfway, as I am there waiting for you
– Nurture our relationship, as what we reap ….we shall sow
– Be insightful and considerate, as I am to you
– Aspire with me and our shared dreams will come true faster
– Cheer for me and we will double our victories
– Rejoice with me and our celebrations will multiply
– Live, achieve and prosper with me
– The objectives become closer when we walked and love together
– Hold my hand as firmly as I am holding yours
– Reciprocate to me, as I have pledged my reciprocity to you

Key to ‘soulmate’ love
Reciprocity is the key to ‘soulmate’ love………..but remember that it is always better to give than to receive…..and also at the end of the day a real, true, genuine life lasting ‘soulmate’ relationship is all about ‘balance’ as well as reciprocity.

Are you in a reciprocal relationship?
The main character Tillie, in the novel “Soulmate”, a heartwarming tale of love, lust and psychology, experiences both aspects of reciprocity, one lover gives, whilst the other lover takes. You can read her story in “Soulmate”, which gets into the mind of Tillie as she details the highs and lows of life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this teaches her. Lessons on reciprocity, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

Givers&Takers098 Correction

Is your soulmate a “giver” or a “taker”?
As a general rule of thumb it is said that it is better to give than to receive; this ethos presumably supports the notion that we all follow the principal of treating others as you would wish to be treated ourselves.

Within my novel “Soulmate” I have research various ‘life lessons’ on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all of course, the lesson of love; one aspect that quickly became clear was that without exception there are most definitely two types of people in life…”Givers”….and “Takers”

“Givers” are not only generous people by nature not limited to particularly in financial terms, but they ‘give’ endless, of themselves, or their time. We can all most probably think of the “Givers” that we know and have met through our lives. We remember “Givers” with a warm heart as their kindest stays with us long after they have left. We all like to think of ourselves as “Givers”. Every women I interviewed who was searching for her ‘soulmate’ wanted to met a “Giver”.

On the other hand “Takers” are basically only interested in themselves, they only contact you when they want something and will rarely, if ever ask how ‘you’ are. They are by nature intrinsically insincere and will often display a very different persona in private to the one they show in public. “Takers” like to talk about themselves and have this somewhat unique and rather irritating technique of being able to turn any conversation, on any subject matter back to them and their needs.

Utterly ruthless, in both persistence and pursuance “Takers” chew away at the bone like a rabid dog until they get what they want.  The old adage of if you cannot say something nice then better not to say anything at all does not appear in the “Takers” mind-set. They speak negatively about people who don’t or won’t do what they want or who challenge them in any way. 

As hard as it may be to believe “Takers” are more often than not insure. They will endeavour to disguise their insecurities by being full of their own self importance, name dropping whenever possible to raise their perceived level of importance; because they like to talk about themselves they will brag about whose company they have been in, who they know and what they have done.

The bragging does not stop there as “Takers” truly do believe in their own propaganda, if they say that they are an expert, they believe it! It is rare for a “Taker” to wait for a compliment or acknowledgement of their skills because before you can comment they will have told you just how wonderful they are!

On the flip side they will compliment others; however such compliments are often regarded as ‘over the top’. “Takers” love a touch of ‘false flattery’, but beware as compliments deliver this ways will almost certainly be followed by a request for one favour or another.”Takers” are not ‘joiners’ and if they do join social or business groups it is to be seen to do so, they will rarely, if ever actively make any real contribution to blogs or debate. One of the prime reasons for this is that they find it almost impossible to ‘actively listen’.  “Takers” find it difficult to physically demonstrate that they are listening to play back their understanding of what has been said; to identify body language and gestures; to have any ability to ‘read between the lines’ and hear what has not be said and this is because “Takers” are so insular and myopic.

Charm Syndrome Man
In my novel “Soulmate” there are “Takers”, both male and female. One character in particular I refer to as “Charm Syndrome Man” or in others words a “Taker”…an ‘emotional manipulator’.  These type of people are so hard to spot particularly as they think that they are normal and don’t believe that they are doing anything wrong.  What you have to remember about “Takers” is that at the end of the day they are only really seeking your opinion in order to valid and confirm theirs. “Takers” have an inbuilt sense of entitlement in order to get their own way……… no matter what.

So if you are dating or working with somebody that talks constantly about themselves, that never really appears to be listening to what you have to say, or that is always reliant on you for some favour or other then beware as you will most certainly be dating or working with a “Taker”.

Have you met your soulmate yet…..are they a ‘giver’ or a ‘taker’?
Within the novel “Soulmate” the main character, Tillie, does find her soulmate, she also met “Charm Syndrome Man”, read her story to find out if this was a happy ending…..

Selling your Soul
The novel “Soulmate” focuses on love, lust and psychology! 
It gets into the mind of the main character, Tillie, as she experiences the highs and lows of her life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this has taught her; Lessons about ‘selling your soul, lesson on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

So what did I discover about the lesson on ‘Selling your soul’?

It is often said that we, inadvertently or sometimes deliberately ‘sell our soul to the devil’ but what does this mean? According to traditional this was the pact between a person and Satan, the devil, or any other demon for that matter when a person offers his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favours. Such tradition it is said is where those favours vary, but tend to include youth, knowledge, wealth, or power. It was also said that some people made this type of pact just as a sign of recognizing the devil as their master.  

Likewise when lovers believe that they have found their ‘soulmate’ all too often one partner becomes the ‘master’. The master is the person that quietly and skillfully manages to take control over the others life; leaving the other person feeling trapped. Regardless, of whether this person has or has not really sold their soul to the devil the position they find themselves in is an uncomfortable and dangerous one. 

People that use the phrase ‘‘selling your soul to the devil’ will often say that they believe in the afterlife, as many people do; however believing in the devil, now that is another matter entirely.  One many people find a little silly.  When you ‘sell your soul’, to the devil or not, you begin racking up a type of human debt that must be paid back, not necessarily with money, but to be paid back in some way. This is because you have become indebted to somebody, this person may have got you out of a bad situation, leant you money, or done you a huge favour in some way.

Numerous people will undoubtedly say that this would be too high a price to pay; to owe another person in this way. To be beholden to another human being is most certainly a big price to pay and a large cross to bear. Selling your soul can result in hellish experiences as many people who have embarked on such a route have found out to their cost.

Selling your soul is selling your integrity, your values and your self worth. So before you consider doing so ask yourself these three simple questions:

1)      What is the real reason you are even considering it, wealth, fame or power?

2)      Is the eventual price really worth it?

3)      Will the outcome (the price) scorched itself into your brain like a soldering iron, never to be forgotten?

Oh yes there are occasions when at first glance the rewards for ‘selling your soul’ may appear very sweet and therefore attractive. But do you proceed ask yourself if you really want to live like this, and above all remember that nothing in life is free,  ‘what goes around, comes around’……..Choose your path wisely……

Have you ever been tempted to ‘sell your soul’?
Within the novel “Soulmate” the main character, Tillie did find her soulmate, but was she tempted sell her soul to get him…….. read her story to find out…….

False Flattery
False Flattery – False flattery is like a coin, it impoverishes the one that gets it….

I wrote my novel “Soulmate” for three reasons:

(1) Mother confessor
I appeared to be a ‘mother confessor’ to most of my girl friends and discovered that under their outward bravado that they wanted to find a ‘soulmate’….and I wanted capture the similarities of their love lives.

(2) Lessons learnt
More interestingly they all, without exception talked about the lessons that they had learnt, about themselves, their friends and their lovers during their search for their ‘soulmate’.

(3) Sharing with others
I wanted to share with other women the lessons and experiences that my friends had learnt, to let women of the world know that they weren’t alone with their crazy mixed up feelings when searching for their one true love, their ‘soulmate’.

There you have it the backdrop to my first chick-lit novel, which focuses on love, lust and psychology!

So what did I discover about the lesson on ‘false flattery’?
This was one of the most fascinating elements of my research because it wasn’t just men that indulged in false flattery but women also. Most women I found expect a touch of false flattery from men, especially when they first meet them. Several women I interviewed said that they actually looked forward to it; false flattery was often disguised within their first few initial ‘chat-up lines’; some of this false flattery was described as ‘cheesy and old fashioned’…”What a good looking girl like you doing in a place like this?” type of cheesy; to other types of false flattery that bordered on the hilarious……”It’s uncanny, you have a remarkable resemblance to my mother, you must meet her, she has just had a brilliant facelift and you really can’t tell”……..

Amusing or scary?
These tales are amusing but on a more serious note false flattery can really damage a person’s self confidence. If you a lady looking for love, for your ‘soulmate’ then you instinctively want to believe everything you are told; as foolhardy as they may seem.

True or lie?
Whether it is a work colleague complimenting you on your new hair style or perhaps a piece of work you have delivery, or a man saying that you look great when in fact you have been up all night and look hideously tired with eye bags down to your knee caps! False flattery is just another method of lying. It is manipulative, duplicitous, deceitful, insincere and downright two faced! When you are told an untruth by a man such as “you look fabulous”, when you don’t, this is almost certainly a forerunner to an attempt to what my girlfriends called “a quick fumble of flattery”.

Compliment vs.false flattery
Not all flattery is bad, sincere compliments and genuine feedback is good and can boost morale and self worth. There is a distinct difference between a compliment and false flattery which is not always easy to detect.

Everyone lies, even if just a little bit. You don’t want to embarrass your friend by telling her what you really think of her dress, so you tell her you like it. You don’t want to risk telling your boss how dumb you think their ideas are, so you say the idea is “interesting” or “worth looking into.” As a society we recognize the need for these small departures from the truth and excuse them by calling them “white lies.” these, too, are attempts to influence by manipulation, but they are clearly more benign than the colossal fraud perpetrated by false flattery which is designed curry favour or gain an unfair advantage.

The psychology
You have to think about and understand the psychology behind what is being said, or in some cases not being said; seeing the insincere compliment, the false flattery, for what it really means. All false flattery whether delivered by a male or female is low level communication, very often stomach churning, usually ingratiating and most definitely shallow. Never doubt that false flattery will lead to some form of doubt dealing, and if you are looking for your ‘soulmate’ beware, because as many of my girlfriends discovered, you will be hurt in the end.

Have you ever experienced ‘false flattery’?
Within my novel “Soulmate”, the main character Tillie experiences false flattery as she goes through the highs and lows of her life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this has taught her; Lessons of course on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?