Archives for posts with tag: raunchy


Is there such thing as happiness?  The good news is yes, there is! In order to have happiness come to your life however, there are few rules that ideally you should followed. Basically, all you need to do is to stay positive and treat yourself, as well as others, with respect love and understanding.

Never place your happiness in someone else’s hands, because when they are gone……so is your happiness!

10 Keys to happier living:

1 GIVING: Happiness is not just about taking…it’s more about giving. If someone needs your assistance whether they be your soulmate, family, friend or work colleague – give it. Altruistic behaviour releases endorphin’s in the brain and makes us happy as well as people we help. Giving has a positive knock-on impact.

2. RELATING… Start connecting with people…Build strong relationships with your soulmate, relatives and friends. People with broader social networks always have a ‘go to person’ in a crisis; besides which they are also happier, healthier and live longer.

3. EXERCISE…Take care of your health…as well as your heart… Go for a jog, do some exercises, sleep well. Physical activity not only improves how you look but also your mood and helps fight off depression.

4. APPRECIATING… Take a good look at the world around you…       I mean really look at the world around you! Get outside and spend some time contemplating nature. Being more mindful and aware helps brings us to the enjoyment of the present moment.

5. TRYING OUT…Keep learning new things… Strive for self-improvement. Learning keeps us curious and boosts our self-esteem and self-confidence as well as a sense of accomplishment. Learn a foreign language, or try a new sport. The critical thing to remember here is that it is happiness that fuels success, not the other way around.

6. DIRECTION… Have goals to look forward and achieve… Goals give us motivation to advance and sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, once we achieve them. No goals means no focus.

7. RESILIENCE…Find ways to bounce back… Sadly you cannot avoid stress, loss, failure, or trauma in your life. We all have it at one time or another sometimes it is not your fault and you can’t stop it happening. What you can change though is your attitude towards it …. the way you deal with it.

Always stay positive because out of everything bad comes something good. I always quote Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame; He was well into his 60’s and had visited over 1,000 restaurants with his unique recipe before somebody said that they would buy it!

8. EMOTION… Keep a positive approach to life…Always ensure that you have positive emotions – like joy, gratitude, contentment, reciprocity, inspiration, and pride – these emotions affect our long-term well-being. Of course, life has its ups and downs, but focusing on the positive side never hurts. Staying positive and having resilience is an attractive feature which attracts good towards you.It may be difficult, but definitely a skill worth mastering.

9. ACCEPTANCE… Be comfortable with who you are…. Don’t be obsessed with your imperfections. Focus on what you have got rather than what you have not. Learning to accept yourself, the way you are also helps you accept others as they are.

10. MEANING… People who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier…People who have meaning in their lives feel in control and get more out of what they do. Being part of a club, working a job that makes a difference, raising a child – find your own connection to something bigger than yourself.

So… don’t put your key to happiness in somebody else’s pocket! In the novel “Soulmate”, a heart-warming tale of love, lust, murder mystery and psychology, there was plenty of opportunities for the main characters (Tillie Anton and Robbie Hardcastle) to take happiness into their own hands – but did they? Was it a happy ending?

Follow their story as it details the highs and lows of life and all that their live experiences taught them. Lessons on happiness, dealing with understanding mix messages, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

Be Brilliant
Clear a path by walking it, boldly……
Most of the time we don’t know or recognise just brilliant we are! We might often hear ourselves saying “I am ready to do this” …when in fact we really are! We are more attuned to the ways we aren’t qualified than to the ways that we are. We are waiting for someone to validate, promote or discover us. It is time to step up, and be brilliant …..

Here are key principles for developing and owning your brilliance and bringing it to the world………to your soulmate…..

Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.”
Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified a better soulmate. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, your friends and colleagues are being anointed industry visionaries, getting salary increases, and seeing their ideas come into life within their world. They are no more brilliant or ready than you, and perhaps less so. Make the leap…now, and find out just how ready you really are.

Make a commitment to yourself
Let’s face it no one else can live your life for you. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. So make a commitment to yourself to be in it for the long haul; commit to act as your own driver and supportive friend…. every step along the way. Once you have made this commitment you will be amazed at just how many good friends and good souls will show up along the way to help you; but always remember this is your life, your game, your party so live it as you have committed to.

Visualise it
There is a reason why sports coaches ask athletes to visualise winning and that is because it works! So what is the most wonderful career or relationship that seems so incredible to you? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider dreaming because it seems so unrealistic, frivolous, or unattainable? Start envisioning it…… now…… today. The sooner you start to focus on what you really want the quicker change in your life will happen. Visualisation is the beginning of turning your commitments and your dreams into reality.

Introduce more ‘wow factors’
Start doing things that make you say ‘wow’. Do things that ensure that your adrenalin flows regularly through your body. Ask yourself, “What is the ‘wow factor’ action in this?” Be warned though, because yes there maybe times when your inner voice may throw up doubt or when your fears raise their ugly head. Having an inner critic is normal, this inner voice is just trying to protect you from any form of risk-taking, but risk taking is important. Go for the ‘wow factor’ and accept your inner critic’s narrative for what it really is, and know just how conquerable your fears really are.

Get a thick skin
Two things happen when you take risks. Sometimes you will receive a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes at you! There is probably not any one successful leader, innovator or person whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics. So get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back or being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and loved or needing to be universally known as “a nice person”, because no matter how hard we try not ‘everybody’ in this world is going to like us!

Don’t wait for your Oscar
Don’t wait to be praised, anointed by some saviour, or validated by our friends, colleagues or even your soulmate. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you have started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you and make an impression on others!)

Filter advice
Most brilliant people are humble and open to guidance. You no doubt want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.

Recover and restore
If you start doing the things that produce a ‘wow factor’, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone quite a lot. Regularly doing things that feel safe, nice and cosy is not going to develop you as a person. Acknowledge the steps you have taken along the way. Watch your energy levels to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you in your energy tank. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.

Tell people how brilliant they are
Let your friends, colleagues and equally important your soulmate know what kind of brilliance you see in them, and why it is so special. Let them know that they are ready to be your friend, colleague or soulmate. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious negative thoughts; watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time or be too restricting, when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.

Does brilliance bring you love?
The two main characters, Tillie and Robbie, in the novel “Soulmate”, a heart-warming tale of love, lust and psychology, had plenty of love and respect for one another….he thought she was ‘brilliant’ and she adored him and thought that he was the cleverest man she had ever met…..But was this enough? Find out what happened to them; follow these two lovers as Tillie details the highs and lows of life and all that this taught them. Lessons on intelligence, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

The meaning of reciprocity….
We all want the people that we come across in life, especially our family, friends, work colleagues, and of course our ‘soulmate’ to know and understand the meaning of “reciprocity”….and more importantly to practice it!

This complicated word describes a great and effective approach to our relationship with the world and those who we encounter along the way. But is it really that complicated?

According to the ancient philosopher Confucius, reciprocity signifies “mutuality, interchange, duality, interdependence.” Derived from Latin, “reciprocus” has the connotation of altruism, making a sacrifice, alternation.

Or put very simply…. it is the art of give and take. Life becomes unbalanced when we do more giving and others do more taking.

The art of reciprocity is extremely powerful
Never doubt how powerful the art of reciprocity is and how by not adopting its principals it can adversely impact on your relationships. It is often said that what ‘goes round, comes around’ and the basis of this saying can be found in the law of reciprocity.

So ask yourself, what are you prepared to offer your ‘soulmate’ or to other people around you? How far are you ready to stretch yourself in order to reach out to these people? What do you ask for as compensation or as thanks in return?

Our reciprocity needs
It is obvious from the experiences that we have in life that, consciously or subconsciously, having given to another human being, especially if you regard that person as your ‘soulmate’, we anticipate a favour in return for when we need it. Disputing whether this is right or wrong would be fruitless, as for most people and in most circumstances, other than charitable giving, and help or support for the needy, reciprocity is something we have inherently come to expect. That said it is also about balancing our reciprocity expectations and questioning whether or not they are realistic.

True and genuine people
A true and genuine person is open to the world and cherishes their relationships. Gracious, giving and protective of their own families, friends and lovers, but yes the flip side is that they expect the same from others……in the form of reciprocity…. and when it comes to ‘soulmate’ love reciprocity under these circumstances is not unreasonable.

Playing by the reciprocity rules
Reciprocity could be described as “playing by the rules”, allowing for “fair game”, and in an ideal world should form part of your ‘soulmate’ relationship guiding principles”…

– Meet me halfway, as I am there waiting for you
– Nurture our relationship, as what we reap ….we shall sow
– Be insightful and considerate, as I am to you
– Aspire with me and our shared dreams will come true faster
– Cheer for me and we will double our victories
– Rejoice with me and our celebrations will multiply
– Live, achieve and prosper with me
– The objectives become closer when we walked and love together
– Hold my hand as firmly as I am holding yours
– Reciprocate to me, as I have pledged my reciprocity to you

Key to ‘soulmate’ love
Reciprocity is the key to ‘soulmate’ love………..but remember that it is always better to give than to receive…..and also at the end of the day a real, true, genuine life lasting ‘soulmate’ relationship is all about ‘balance’ as well as reciprocity.

Are you in a reciprocal relationship?
The main character Tillie, in the novel “Soulmate”, a heartwarming tale of love, lust and psychology, experiences both aspects of reciprocity, one lover gives, whilst the other lover takes. You can read her story in “Soulmate”, which gets into the mind of Tillie as she details the highs and lows of life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this teaches her. Lessons on reciprocity, false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

Unconditional Love
Are you searching for unconditional love…..

There are five key principles to live by that can really help you unlock the key to finding unconditional soulmate love.

1. Make a fresh start – get the monkey off your back!
The first thing to remember when unlocking unconditional soulmate love in that your past does not equal your future. Just because you have not found love or perhaps have been hurt in the past, does not mean that you will be hurt again or that unconditional soulmate love will elude you.

Imagine carrying lots of monkey with you in a bag on your back, and as you go along, you collect more and more monkeys, how do you think you will feel if you continue to carry the monkeys? Most likely pretty tired! Even worse the monkeys will eventually turn into gorillas and then what!

What if someone came along emptied your bag of monkeys, and you were able to keep walking but this time, without any monkeys to carry! How would you feel then? Most probably much lighter; well the same is true for creating a fresh start, a fresh outlook on life.

2. Ditch misguided beliefs
In order to attract unconditional soulmate love you must ditch any misguided beliefs you hold and change them. Our beliefs can either spurn us forward towards our soulmate love or hold us back. Whatever you believe is what you will attract. The key thing here is to identify what beliefs you are holding about people and question them.

For example one way to check this out is to fill in the blank, “I don’t trust people because___________” and see what you come up with. You may have just one simple answer or you may have a whole list of things as to why you don’t trust people! Either way it will be very telling as to what reasons you have as to why you don’t trust others.

If the reasons that you don’t trust other people are spurious, then you will need to change those unconscious misguided beliefs. Once you change any inappropriate beliefs, you will start attracting more people you can trust and ultimately somebody that loves and trusts you back.

3. Trust yourself – trust your gut instinct
On the theme of trust this is really the key to it all, the central core. When we say we don’t trust others, it is usually because we don’t trust ourselves. This generally happens if you have been hurt in the past and therefore find it hard to trust others, as well as your own judgement. Unfortunately if you keep up with this pattern of mistrust, it will result in you not trusting yourself to recognise when someone that is good for you comes along.

You cannot expect others to trust you if you don’t trust yourself! Not having trust in your own judgement may have come from thinking that you have been proven wrong many times in the past…..haven’t we all. If you keep distrusting yourself however you will keep going around in ever decreasing circles.

To break this cycle, write down a list of 20 to 30 good decisions that you have made in the past based on your trust – your own judgement, your gut instinct. This will allow you to see that you can indeed trust your own decision-making.

4. Have a clear vision of what you want
It sounds obvious and that is because it is, but it is important to know exactly what type of person you want to be with and more importantly to note how you want them to make you feel. Write a list of how you wish them to make you feel. By doing this you will know when you have met them. No-one ever forgets how you make them feel, which is why this is a very powerful exercise.

5. Create vision of yourself.
Once you are clear on what you want from your soulmate, create a vision for yourself. It is said that your unconscious mind can only see pictures and whatever your unconscious sees, it believes! This is why sports men and women visualize themselves crossing the finish line in first place.
Inspiring yourself is essential to overcoming distrust. You new-found belief and vision will complement your ability to attract someone you can trust. The law of attraction, in this case to attract your soulmate, will only happen if your inner world changes and when you know exactly what you are looking for.

Do you have a vision of the Soulmate you would like to find?
Find out how Tillie ditched her misguided beliefs and whether or not she found her unconditional soulmate love …….you can read her story in the novel “Soulmate”, which is about love, lust and psychology!

“Soulmate” gets into the mind of Tillie as she details the highs and lows of life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this taught her. Lessons on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love;

Finding Soulmate Love103 Correction
Are you ready to attract your soulmate love?
There are a few key steps that you can take to attract your soulmate love:

Step 1 – Love yourself
Before you can embark on finding romance or even real love, your “soulmate”, you must remember your own true origin and identity; you must do this no matter what negative thoughts and messages you received throughout your life. Finding your “soulmate” is about believing in your own self worth and value.

Remember that actions speak louder than words. So start thinking about how you are going to increase your feeling of self worth, by taking small steps to demonstrate how you love, care and respect yourself: Respect your body, enjoy eating healthy food, and most definitely say no to any drains on your time, emotions and energy, buy yourself a chocolate treat or flowers, pamper yourself with a spa day, and just like the main character, Tillie, in my novel “Soulmate” write a journal; don’t of course forget to smile more.

As you reclaim your true identity as a human being who is worthy of more happiness than you thought possible, your outer world will start reflecting this back to you with a smile and with relationships and situations that acknowledge, respect and support you; Although it might be hard to believe it your “soulmate” is really not that far away! This is the first step in attracting a heavenly and healthy romantic relationship.

Step 2 – Let go of your past
All the self-help books I have ever read say that you must be willing to let go and make peace with the past. When your heart carries toxic, heavy emotions, the space just isn’t there for it to overflow with love, and ultimately you are the one who suffers. So in addition to forgiving former lovers, partners, parents and even perhaps authority figures from your past, it is essential to forgive anyone you are still harbouring a grudge against, or any resentment or anger towards, especially any past romantic relationships.

As you let go of these overwhelming negative emotions you feel towards these people and replace them with a smile of kindness, forgiveness, compassion and hopefully good grace, you yourself will amazingly actually free yourself from the burden of carrying those heavy and unhappy emotions around with you like a monkey on your back. You suddenly will become more attractive to yourself and to others.

Once you have mastered the art of self-love and freed your heart from unwanted negative emotions you are now ready to attract the wonderful partner you deserve; your hearts desire …………your “Soulmate”.

Step 3 – Trust in destiny

Lastly in my novel “Soulmate” I ask …. “Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “soulmate”? Do we all go in search of our other half; the half that we believe is our “soulmate”? In order to find true love, your “soulmate” you must first trust that in truth all the love you seek is already within you, and that your “soulmate” is just one form of love that will come into your life with perfect timing when you least expect it to. Prepare yourself now. Learn from the ‘life lessons’ highlighted within my novel “Soulmate” and be ready to receive your true love when they come along……

Have you found your “Soulmate” yet?
Tillie found her soulmate love…. find out how by reading her story in “Soulmate”, a novel about love, lust, psychology and attracting soulmate love!

Selling your Soul
The novel “Soulmate” focuses on love, lust and psychology! 
It gets into the mind of the main character, Tillie, as she experiences the highs and lows of her life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this has taught her; Lessons about ‘selling your soul, lesson on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?

So what did I discover about the lesson on ‘Selling your soul’?

It is often said that we, inadvertently or sometimes deliberately ‘sell our soul to the devil’ but what does this mean? According to traditional this was the pact between a person and Satan, the devil, or any other demon for that matter when a person offers his or her soul in exchange for diabolical favours. Such tradition it is said is where those favours vary, but tend to include youth, knowledge, wealth, or power. It was also said that some people made this type of pact just as a sign of recognizing the devil as their master.  

Likewise when lovers believe that they have found their ‘soulmate’ all too often one partner becomes the ‘master’. The master is the person that quietly and skillfully manages to take control over the others life; leaving the other person feeling trapped. Regardless, of whether this person has or has not really sold their soul to the devil the position they find themselves in is an uncomfortable and dangerous one. 

People that use the phrase ‘‘selling your soul to the devil’ will often say that they believe in the afterlife, as many people do; however believing in the devil, now that is another matter entirely.  One many people find a little silly.  When you ‘sell your soul’, to the devil or not, you begin racking up a type of human debt that must be paid back, not necessarily with money, but to be paid back in some way. This is because you have become indebted to somebody, this person may have got you out of a bad situation, leant you money, or done you a huge favour in some way.

Numerous people will undoubtedly say that this would be too high a price to pay; to owe another person in this way. To be beholden to another human being is most certainly a big price to pay and a large cross to bear. Selling your soul can result in hellish experiences as many people who have embarked on such a route have found out to their cost.

Selling your soul is selling your integrity, your values and your self worth. So before you consider doing so ask yourself these three simple questions:

1)      What is the real reason you are even considering it, wealth, fame or power?

2)      Is the eventual price really worth it?

3)      Will the outcome (the price) scorched itself into your brain like a soldering iron, never to be forgotten?

Oh yes there are occasions when at first glance the rewards for ‘selling your soul’ may appear very sweet and therefore attractive. But do you proceed ask yourself if you really want to live like this, and above all remember that nothing in life is free,  ‘what goes around, comes around’……..Choose your path wisely……

Have you ever been tempted to ‘sell your soul’?
Within the novel “Soulmate” the main character, Tillie did find her soulmate, but was she tempted sell her soul to get him…….. read her story to find out…….

False Flattery
False Flattery – False flattery is like a coin, it impoverishes the one that gets it….

I wrote my novel “Soulmate” for three reasons:

(1) Mother confessor
I appeared to be a ‘mother confessor’ to most of my girl friends and discovered that under their outward bravado that they wanted to find a ‘soulmate’….and I wanted capture the similarities of their love lives.

(2) Lessons learnt
More interestingly they all, without exception talked about the lessons that they had learnt, about themselves, their friends and their lovers during their search for their ‘soulmate’.

(3) Sharing with others
I wanted to share with other women the lessons and experiences that my friends had learnt, to let women of the world know that they weren’t alone with their crazy mixed up feelings when searching for their one true love, their ‘soulmate’.

There you have it the backdrop to my first chick-lit novel, which focuses on love, lust and psychology!

So what did I discover about the lesson on ‘false flattery’?
This was one of the most fascinating elements of my research because it wasn’t just men that indulged in false flattery but women also. Most women I found expect a touch of false flattery from men, especially when they first meet them. Several women I interviewed said that they actually looked forward to it; false flattery was often disguised within their first few initial ‘chat-up lines’; some of this false flattery was described as ‘cheesy and old fashioned’…”What a good looking girl like you doing in a place like this?” type of cheesy; to other types of false flattery that bordered on the hilarious……”It’s uncanny, you have a remarkable resemblance to my mother, you must meet her, she has just had a brilliant facelift and you really can’t tell”……..

Amusing or scary?
These tales are amusing but on a more serious note false flattery can really damage a person’s self confidence. If you a lady looking for love, for your ‘soulmate’ then you instinctively want to believe everything you are told; as foolhardy as they may seem.

True or lie?
Whether it is a work colleague complimenting you on your new hair style or perhaps a piece of work you have delivery, or a man saying that you look great when in fact you have been up all night and look hideously tired with eye bags down to your knee caps! False flattery is just another method of lying. It is manipulative, duplicitous, deceitful, insincere and downright two faced! When you are told an untruth by a man such as “you look fabulous”, when you don’t, this is almost certainly a forerunner to an attempt to what my girlfriends called “a quick fumble of flattery”.

Compliment vs.false flattery
Not all flattery is bad, sincere compliments and genuine feedback is good and can boost morale and self worth. There is a distinct difference between a compliment and false flattery which is not always easy to detect.

Everyone lies, even if just a little bit. You don’t want to embarrass your friend by telling her what you really think of her dress, so you tell her you like it. You don’t want to risk telling your boss how dumb you think their ideas are, so you say the idea is “interesting” or “worth looking into.” As a society we recognize the need for these small departures from the truth and excuse them by calling them “white lies.” these, too, are attempts to influence by manipulation, but they are clearly more benign than the colossal fraud perpetrated by false flattery which is designed curry favour or gain an unfair advantage.

The psychology
You have to think about and understand the psychology behind what is being said, or in some cases not being said; seeing the insincere compliment, the false flattery, for what it really means. All false flattery whether delivered by a male or female is low level communication, very often stomach churning, usually ingratiating and most definitely shallow. Never doubt that false flattery will lead to some form of doubt dealing, and if you are looking for your ‘soulmate’ beware, because as many of my girlfriends discovered, you will be hurt in the end.

Have you ever experienced ‘false flattery’?
Within my novel “Soulmate”, the main character Tillie experiences false flattery as she goes through the highs and lows of her life, when trying to find her “Soulmate” and all that this has taught her; Lessons of course on false flattery, betrayal, injustice, deceit and the hardest lesson of all, the lesson of love; Was Pluto right do we only ever have one “Soulmate”?